My husband was invited to preach in the Mennonite colony of Volendam this past weekend. This is a part of his work that I love - the traveling. I love sitting up front with the terere, kids in the back reading books, talking with my hubby about life and hopes and dreams... Of course it has its downsides... namely, the kids :) they start to argue and fight and everything quickly goes downhill. But that's ok. I can take it. The trip isn't eternal.
As a Pastor's wife, there are specific roles that i have that make it hard to juggle all my other rolls. Here are just a few: Mom, Wife, Pastor's Wife, Babysitter, Maid, Chofer, Nurse, etc. But the hardest ones to juggle when we go out to visit new people are the Pastor's Wife and the Mom roles.
I feel a duty to support my husband as attentively as possible during his sermon and afterwards to graciously converse with people from the congregation. It's stately and old fashioned... it's what's expected. I can't complain. Dad used to call me Ms. PR (Public Relations). I love meeting new people and making new friends. But what messes it all up for me are the kids. They are also important. And this particular Sunday, they didn't want to stay in their Sunday School groups. 3 times during my husband's sermon i had to stand up and go to my escaping children. At least they weren't crying!
But you know the routine...
kid peeks around the corner and waits to be noticed...
mom sees him and tries to motion to him/her to return to class...
kid ignores mom...
mom pulls out her "mean/serious face"...
kid ignores mom...
mom picks up fingers as if to count to three...
kid ignore mom...
mom stands up and goes to kid
This happened 3 times. I finally picked up my thermos and my handbag and went to Sunday School with the kid and didn't return to the service. I had failed as a Pastor's Wife... but on the bright side, I shone as a mom.
But i haven't gotten to the main point.
I'm not feeling all that great as a mommy bc i really want to be with the grown-ups. Perhaps I'm pouting a bit. I totally understand that the kids wouldn't want to stay in a SS group with total strangers (even if it was a special outdoor activity). Eventually all 3 kids come to me. They are sweaty and hungry. I have water and coquitos (dry bread balls?). It's boring stuff and they complain. I know no one. No one knows me. My husband is busy preaching and can't help me. I'm starting to run out of ideas and want to go home. Oh... did i mention that my middle kid only stayed by my side a quick bit. Pretty soon he is out and about climbing anything he can and throwing things down from up high at those below. STRESS!!
Church lets out and it's only 10am... There is lunch to follow. At 12. But at least I now see more entertainment options. We go to a nearby tractor to play. Another 6 kids thought of the same idea and soon they are all fighting over the steering wheel and I can feel a headache coming on. OH! Did I mention i was in a German-Speaking colony? Yeah... so i'm trying to convince these other kids to take turns in my broken German. Not happening. HA!
My wonderful husband comes to the rescue and i quickly grab a chair and sit down with a small group of people. I drink deeply of the thermos, close my eyes and sigh. Peace.
A little bit of history before the next bit. My second son is most likely a diagnosable ADHD kid. I've taken all the tests online, conferred with several psychologists and they all point me in that direction. But i'm a stubborn sort and for the moment we are trying tough love. It sorta works. At home, where all his elements are controlled and expected, he's adapted and quite predictable. That all changes out in a new environment. My son was just getting warmed up on this particular day.
I also feel that other parents don't understand him as a "special" child. It is not my fault that my son has a short attention span or that he can get aggressive in his creative play. I have two other "normal" children and i don't believe, therefore, that it was anything on the rearing that made him "different." I get a lot of heat from people who don't understand and, consequently, i lose my patience and become very defensive when anyone insinuates anything remotely similar to blame.
So this lady sitting next to me speaks to me.
"Hi! You are Cynthia? The Pastor's Wife?"
"Yes."
She seems friendly until the next words come out... "I've heard about you."
My mind starts reeling and i intuitively think of all the negative things that she could have heard about.
She doesn't make matters any better when she clarifies, "... your son? you have a son with a lot of energy?"
I force myself to keep a friendly expression on my face. In first place, it bothers me that others are talking about me to strangers about my energetic son (and that's probably the polite way of describing him!). I don't like the idea of being a topic of entertainment to others. In second place, I could see the conversation heading into uncomfortable waters. Talking to an un-understanding person about my son isn't something i enjoy doing.
I desperately look behind me at the kids on the tractor, silently wishing i could be there arguing in my broken German, rather than here talking with the nosy woman. What a day :(
But then... She leans over to me, picks up her pointer finger and shows me a little boy with a blue shirt on the tractor. "That little boy is mine. He's just like yours." I turn my face to hers and see in her eyes no malice... only friendliness. I feel a desire to bond on her part and to share similar experiences.
Over the next 2 hours she grills me with questions of what my son does or doesn't do, what i do or don't do to help him, what others say or don't say that make things better or worse, etc. She was hungry with the need to share with someone going through the same experiences she was. She felt tired, beaten up, depressed, misunderstood, etc. Little by little it became clear to me that God had it in His plan for me to be there on that particular day to speak to this woman's heart and to give her any measure of hope that she was willing to accept. I felt deeply humbled by His generosity in allowing me to be a part of His plan.
It's not easy having a child with ADHD. My child, technically, has not been diagnosed. I don't know yet if I will take him in to get that done. One rule many of us ADHD moms learn to live by is "one day at a time." Otherwise, we sink with all the craziness around us. This woman felt so many of the same things that I did and still do. People around us blame us for the behaviour our kids portray and when we don't take them in to get psychiatric help (aka. Labeling and giving them Ritalin) they also blame us for not taking care of things and trying to get our kid to be "normal." It's a confusing and desperate world for us with our lively kids. I seek God and His strength every morning - and at times many times more throughout the day - and He gives me my portion every day. I cannot say that until now He has given me more than I could manage. His strength is mine, when i take the time to seek it every day.
We are finishing our conversation when a lady walks up to us and points behind her to a group of squealing people and spraying water. "Excuse me, is that your son over there with the hose in his hand?"
My new friend and I burst out laughing as my husband quickly goes to rescue the poor people getting showered by my very special son. It's all in a day's work. Just smile!
