Christian living isn't terribly hard for me. I'd haughtily say that i'm essentially a "good person." Before you go all nuts on me and label me a heretic... let me finish my thought.
Jesus makes sense to me. He's so unquestionably the answer to the world that i never questioned the "rightness" of His role in my life. I took it and held tight. But every once in a while a topic of Christian Living comes up and I'm forced to think about my position on it. Not because I doubt them, but bc they are such deep subjects that one really needs to put more than just blind faith into it. Prayer is one of those topics for me.
I obediently include prayer in my life. Jesus says that "in everything give thanks." Therefore, I try to never forget that - when i wake up in the mornings, at the table for meals, when a speeding car barely misses me, before sleep at night, etc. But those are the easy things to pray about.
The "Hard" prayer has to do with transforming acts - when we ask God to change something. For some that could be "Please, soften my husbands heart so he will come to church w/ me" or "Please help my child to sit still in school." or... the one I have recently struggled with... "Please heal this sick baby."
Why is it so easy to pray, yet so hard to believe that God listens. I know that God hears all my prayers, but at the same time i'm not always convinced that he truly listens to them... or does He? Here's my story:
Rachel's 6month old baby girl had an infection in her intestines 3 weeks ago. She took her to the doctor and had antibiotics prescribed and was well on her way to recover. But before the baby was 100%, she was bitten by a dengue-mosquito last week. The baby got terribly sick and was placed in the pediatric ICU Sunday. Baby's platelet count was dirt low, she hemorraged from mouth, nose and butt, was put on a respirator, incubated and (to boot) got pneumonia. The baby was bad. I had a chat w/ a social worker friend of mine who works at the hospital and she told me that the baby would likely not survive the night (this is Monday evening already). I couldn't understand how such a sweet girl (Rachel) could have had such bad luck as to have her first (and only-born) child so unfairly torn from her life. She and her husband had tried so hard to get pregnant and now that they had their miracle baby... there were so many thoughts going through my mind. I prayed and shared this prayer request via email w/ my Prayer Warrior friends and posted it on FB for others to pray. But i knew the condition that the child was in. I'm a nurse & i understood the reality more than most others could. There comes a point in medical treatment when you can truly do no more. There is a momentum that comes with a grave condition that nosedives towards death. It spirals downward and there is truly no stopping it - medically speaking. The ICU pediatrician told me that at this point only God could save the baby.
All my great thinking happens when i'm running. Tuesday I fought these thoughts and imagined the baby's torn body fighting infection. I imagined her weak little lungs struggling for each breath. And that each of these breaths would take living energy to each cell of her body, strengthening it and giving it the energy necessary to fight the virus in her body. Every breath that i took as i ran I "sent" it to the baby. "God, take a bit of my living breath and put it in that little body." Followed by... "God, I know that you do miracles... but will you?" There are so many complications! and my weak faith had no faith at all. You see, i never really was convicted of his grace and mercy. I simply prepared myself to accompany my friend Rachel with prayer and counseling once the bad news came. All along I was praying for healing, but not truly believing that it would happen. God sure did "chop me down..." God DOES listen to prayer. And when it is in His perfect plan, he listens to the prayers of many and acts on those petitions. Why is it to hard to believe that He can change reality?
Perhaps it has to do with the bad in this world. I think that we are so used to the bad news or the "reality" of the harshness of life that we forget that there is Someone who's not about "reality." He is about Grace and Mercy. He is a God who's love transforms and changes things. It doesn't matter if you are in the worst place in life... He is there and He will work - if you let him. I think that God could have still answered my prayer of healing for this child even if she had died... bc God works in the midst of the positives and the negatives. But i'm glad that (this time) the outcome was positive. I'm glad that he allowed me to see a miracle in real life and and that he gave me the desire to pray about it. I am blessed through the outcome.
oh... i guess i didn't really mention it specifically... yesterday the baby's oxygen was turned down a bit so she now breathes a little on her own and not just w/ mechanical help. And she started to drink milk. She's still in ICU but the miracle has already occurred!
A blessed weekend to you all
C
Friday, March 15, 2013
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Biking for Leprosy
Hey!
This is a new bike that our hospital has for pediatric patients who can't get around on their feet. It's a hand/arms propelled bike/tricycle. It is currently being used by a little girl who put her dolls in the back box. My sweet little girl saw it empty (girl got out for a sec to buy something at the store) and was overjoyed to see the dolls and a bike she could drive around and got in herself.
These were donated by a charitable foundation from up north (not sure if the US or Canada). They are a huge blessing to our patients while they convalesce here.
This is a new bike that our hospital has for pediatric patients who can't get around on their feet. It's a hand/arms propelled bike/tricycle. It is currently being used by a little girl who put her dolls in the back box. My sweet little girl saw it empty (girl got out for a sec to buy something at the store) and was overjoyed to see the dolls and a bike she could drive around and got in herself.
These were donated by a charitable foundation from up north (not sure if the US or Canada). They are a huge blessing to our patients while they convalesce here.
LASIK
I've DONE IT! I finally got the guts to go through with the surgery. It's been a long 2 years of hoops to go through to get it done.
December 2010 I was 9 months pregnant with my little girl. It was the week of her due date... and i broke a contact (i used to rigid gas permeables). AWFUL! I quickly went to the eye doctor to see if he could give me a replacement contact before the baby came. NO.CAN.DO. So i dug through my mom's old cabinets and found my old High School glasses. They were a little large (bc that was the style back then...), but I could see out of both eyes and that was the important part.
After baby was born i made an appt with a private clinic and wanted to talk about my options. I wanted to know the cost of new contacts and if buying then in PY was a good idea. After checking my eyes, the doctor asked me if i'd be interested in seeing if i was a candidate for LASIK surgery. I'd never considered it so i went home to talk to my hubby about it. Another appt and the ball started to roll. But then... just casually in conversation at a consultation I mentioned my little baby girl and how sweet she was... Lactating women aren't allowed to have LASIK - or any definitive eye stuff done (like contacts or new glasses) - bc of the fluctuating hormones. (*SIGH*). I was not about to rush my 3 month old and wean her just bc i wanted to fix my eyes. So i let her breastfeed as long as she wanted. I expected 6 months bc that's all my boys wanted. But she was the exception. She fed until age 1. 6 weeks after the last feeding we were allowed to go back to the clinic.
It's January 2012 now - a little over a years since it all started. And now we pick up where we left off. I start doing all the analyses on my eyes. The first two are a check of my retinas and an OrbScan, which measures the thickness of my corneas. I don't pass the Retina test. I am myopic and most myopics have defective retinas. But it's fixable. You have to have a minor laser treatment which fixes them. I got that done and had to wait 6 weeks for the doctor to check to see how they looked. One eye was perfect and the other needed fixing. So i had another round of laser on that eye. Another 6 weeks to heal and finally he approves both my eyes.
I live out in the country and getting to the city isn't very convenient for us. We tend to go on weekends so we dont' miss too much work here (and school for me). Time passed....
Finally i get back to the clinic w/ my fixed retinas and the results of my Orbscan and they clinic tells me that the Orbscan is expired. It's only valid or 6 months. But by this time the clinic's LASIK machine is "in the shop" for some mechanical problems and they recommend that i wait for the machine to get fixed before going and doing another Orbscan (so it doesn't expire again). I wait. And wait. And wait. It's Jan 2013 and i call the clinic and ask them to be sincere w/ me... is this actually going to happen?? The new machine is on the way from Germany. I can wait for it OR use the machine from a private hospital (w/ my doctor running it). I choose the private hospital route. Another Orbscan. Another check-up on my retinas. several trips to the city and the surgery day is fixed: February 26th.
We take off work and go to the city. I'm so excited! I take one last look at my house with my glasses and romantically imagine returning to this house in 3 days with my "new" eyes.
The surgery is for tuesday morning. It's Monday 2pm and the nurse calls me to confirm that i remember that the surgery is the next day. YES! I REMEMBER! It's 6pm and she calls again to tell me... it's been cancelled. The doctor in charge of the machine has just returned from a trip and the surgeries are cancelled bc his flight was delayed and hes tired. WHAT? But i know that this isn't true. I have a friend who is also getting the surgery done - but she's doing it with the owner of the machine (we just "rent" it). I call her and she says that she's still getting it done. It hasn't been cancelled. I call my clinic and tell them this and ask them to explain... push come to shove... someone made a mistake and didn't confirm my surgery w/ the private clinic and therefore i'm not on the list for surgery for the nxt day. AND... my surgeons rights to perform the surgery are annulled. So now i have no surgeon and no surgery.
I change surgeons and the new one is meticulous. He doesn't want to leave anything to chance so he makes me go through a ton of studies to make sure my eyes are ok for the surgery... all in one week! We aim for March 5th as the surgery date. So we have 1 week to get all the studies done that he needs. On my son's 6th birthday I need to go (alone) to the city to a last consultation. I move heaven and earth and find people to take me in and bring me back home.
March 5th and i go through admissions at the hospital. The system is down and they can't find my name on the surgery list!!! They send me up to the surgery waiting room to wait and find out if i'm on the list. I comply, praying that my surgery wasn't canceled a 2nd time. I was on the list and at 2:05 they called me back. I walk through the double doors w/ my glasses on wondering how long it will take to get back to my waiting husband. I'm taken to a tiny room where i put on a pair of scrubs. I leave my glasses in a locker and go to the back room where the machine is. it looks like a miniature MRI machine. I lay down and my head is situated into an indented pillow. I'm starting to freak out and find myself unashamedly asking my surgeon if he's going to have his hands busy during the surgery. There's a slight pause... and understanding dawns on him. But just to make sure i persist with my questions bc i'm pretty sure i'm not going to make it through the surgery alone w/o comfort. "Can you hold my hand?" I ask him. "Of course!" he replies. I sigh in relief. And he DOES! Dear reader... THIS is how techy this surgery is!! my SURGEON!! yes.... my surgeon held my hand through the entire surgery. the computerized machine does it all. He did have to stand up once or twice.. but for the majority of the time he held my hand and talked me through the experience. It didn't hurt at all. The bright lights bothered a bit and I tried not to let my fear distract me from concentrating. But it was quick. As soon as they were done, i got up from the bed. My vision was a bit hazy (not blurry) but i could already tell that my vision was fixed. I took off the scrubs, got some drops in my eyes and sent back to my husband. It was 2:33. Less than 30 minutes from start to end. WOW!
So... here i am... typing on my laptop (WITHOUT GLASSES!) :) and extremely happy. It took a long time to get it done... but i am grateful to all those involved in the process. I truly believe it all happened the way it had to. No regrets. Thanks to all of you who knew about this and were praying through it all.
here are some pictures of before and after....
December 2010 I was 9 months pregnant with my little girl. It was the week of her due date... and i broke a contact (i used to rigid gas permeables). AWFUL! I quickly went to the eye doctor to see if he could give me a replacement contact before the baby came. NO.CAN.DO. So i dug through my mom's old cabinets and found my old High School glasses. They were a little large (bc that was the style back then...), but I could see out of both eyes and that was the important part.
After baby was born i made an appt with a private clinic and wanted to talk about my options. I wanted to know the cost of new contacts and if buying then in PY was a good idea. After checking my eyes, the doctor asked me if i'd be interested in seeing if i was a candidate for LASIK surgery. I'd never considered it so i went home to talk to my hubby about it. Another appt and the ball started to roll. But then... just casually in conversation at a consultation I mentioned my little baby girl and how sweet she was... Lactating women aren't allowed to have LASIK - or any definitive eye stuff done (like contacts or new glasses) - bc of the fluctuating hormones. (*SIGH*). I was not about to rush my 3 month old and wean her just bc i wanted to fix my eyes. So i let her breastfeed as long as she wanted. I expected 6 months bc that's all my boys wanted. But she was the exception. She fed until age 1. 6 weeks after the last feeding we were allowed to go back to the clinic.
It's January 2012 now - a little over a years since it all started. And now we pick up where we left off. I start doing all the analyses on my eyes. The first two are a check of my retinas and an OrbScan, which measures the thickness of my corneas. I don't pass the Retina test. I am myopic and most myopics have defective retinas. But it's fixable. You have to have a minor laser treatment which fixes them. I got that done and had to wait 6 weeks for the doctor to check to see how they looked. One eye was perfect and the other needed fixing. So i had another round of laser on that eye. Another 6 weeks to heal and finally he approves both my eyes.
I live out in the country and getting to the city isn't very convenient for us. We tend to go on weekends so we dont' miss too much work here (and school for me). Time passed....
Finally i get back to the clinic w/ my fixed retinas and the results of my Orbscan and they clinic tells me that the Orbscan is expired. It's only valid or 6 months. But by this time the clinic's LASIK machine is "in the shop" for some mechanical problems and they recommend that i wait for the machine to get fixed before going and doing another Orbscan (so it doesn't expire again). I wait. And wait. And wait. It's Jan 2013 and i call the clinic and ask them to be sincere w/ me... is this actually going to happen?? The new machine is on the way from Germany. I can wait for it OR use the machine from a private hospital (w/ my doctor running it). I choose the private hospital route. Another Orbscan. Another check-up on my retinas. several trips to the city and the surgery day is fixed: February 26th.
We take off work and go to the city. I'm so excited! I take one last look at my house with my glasses and romantically imagine returning to this house in 3 days with my "new" eyes.
The surgery is for tuesday morning. It's Monday 2pm and the nurse calls me to confirm that i remember that the surgery is the next day. YES! I REMEMBER! It's 6pm and she calls again to tell me... it's been cancelled. The doctor in charge of the machine has just returned from a trip and the surgeries are cancelled bc his flight was delayed and hes tired. WHAT? But i know that this isn't true. I have a friend who is also getting the surgery done - but she's doing it with the owner of the machine (we just "rent" it). I call her and she says that she's still getting it done. It hasn't been cancelled. I call my clinic and tell them this and ask them to explain... push come to shove... someone made a mistake and didn't confirm my surgery w/ the private clinic and therefore i'm not on the list for surgery for the nxt day. AND... my surgeons rights to perform the surgery are annulled. So now i have no surgeon and no surgery.
I change surgeons and the new one is meticulous. He doesn't want to leave anything to chance so he makes me go through a ton of studies to make sure my eyes are ok for the surgery... all in one week! We aim for March 5th as the surgery date. So we have 1 week to get all the studies done that he needs. On my son's 6th birthday I need to go (alone) to the city to a last consultation. I move heaven and earth and find people to take me in and bring me back home.
March 5th and i go through admissions at the hospital. The system is down and they can't find my name on the surgery list!!! They send me up to the surgery waiting room to wait and find out if i'm on the list. I comply, praying that my surgery wasn't canceled a 2nd time. I was on the list and at 2:05 they called me back. I walk through the double doors w/ my glasses on wondering how long it will take to get back to my waiting husband. I'm taken to a tiny room where i put on a pair of scrubs. I leave my glasses in a locker and go to the back room where the machine is. it looks like a miniature MRI machine. I lay down and my head is situated into an indented pillow. I'm starting to freak out and find myself unashamedly asking my surgeon if he's going to have his hands busy during the surgery. There's a slight pause... and understanding dawns on him. But just to make sure i persist with my questions bc i'm pretty sure i'm not going to make it through the surgery alone w/o comfort. "Can you hold my hand?" I ask him. "Of course!" he replies. I sigh in relief. And he DOES! Dear reader... THIS is how techy this surgery is!! my SURGEON!! yes.... my surgeon held my hand through the entire surgery. the computerized machine does it all. He did have to stand up once or twice.. but for the majority of the time he held my hand and talked me through the experience. It didn't hurt at all. The bright lights bothered a bit and I tried not to let my fear distract me from concentrating. But it was quick. As soon as they were done, i got up from the bed. My vision was a bit hazy (not blurry) but i could already tell that my vision was fixed. I took off the scrubs, got some drops in my eyes and sent back to my husband. It was 2:33. Less than 30 minutes from start to end. WOW!
So... here i am... typing on my laptop (WITHOUT GLASSES!) :) and extremely happy. It took a long time to get it done... but i am grateful to all those involved in the process. I truly believe it all happened the way it had to. No regrets. Thanks to all of you who knew about this and were praying through it all.
here are some pictures of before and after....
Before leaving the house on Surgery Day
NOW!
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