Post-Dedication

Yesterday was A's church dedication. It was.... an experience! HAHA!

We started getting ready earlier than necessary. I was just too excited about the pantyhose & the new shoes! Her hair was even gorgeously arranged by a hairdresser. Eventually it was  finally time to leave the house for church.

So the church was decorated to celebrate the children. With my ILs in tow, the 7 of us took up almost an entire bench. But the kids got wiggly even before the service started and we moved to the playroom at the back of the church. By the time the dedication part of the service rolled around, the kids were antsy. Gabo & Nico stayed with Oma & Opa & Mathias & I went to the front with Alana. She was so cute in her raibow dress with pink ribbons her great-grandma had given her for Christmas last year. I also thought she was the cutest (biased?). Hm... Ever hear of the quote: "Pride comes before a fall"? yup... I fell. Hard. Not literally though. There were 7 children being dedicated that day & we all came up at the same time. It was one prayer after the other non-stop. Beautiful words of blessing & encouragement to the parents. But around the second prayer, little miss-A decided she'd had enough. We were #6 in line. She started asking questions. "'n that?" (transl. What's that?). So I (being the genius I am) answered her. "That's Uncle Rudi's Bible" (--the Bible on the pulpit). "That's flowers," "That's an Uncle," "That's a Tante," etc... Once she'd had all her questions answered, she told ME what everything was (remember that there's special dedicational prayer going on for child #4 by now...). A just got louder... "Mama, Onkel Rudi's BI-ble!", "ONKEL!", "Blume!" We tried shushing her and started pointing out other interesting things to keep her entertained. But no... it wasn't to be. She wriggled, fussed, cried and simply wanted to go back to the play room.

Eventually it was our turn. Our good friends prayed for her and probably said some wonderful stuff... but i really have no clue. All I can remember is playing ping-pong with mathias... passing her to him & him passing her to me trying to keep her as still and quiet as possible. It was the picture of frustration :(

I didn't leave the front of the church in good spirits. I felt like i'd been cheated of my special occasion. But as the day went on and i fumed about it a bit, God led me to the conclusion that the act in itself isn't what's important, but the blessing in itself. And the blessing doesn't really fall upon you only if you are quiet and reverent. His blessing is upon us even before we ask for it. Alana was already blessed even before she was a thought in our minds! The service was just a public way of recognizing the blessing and having the congregation participate with us. The epiphany did a lot to soothe my pricked feelings... I'm still not happy that she wouldn't stay still... but then again... Such is Life. You can't expect a toddler to be held reverently still for 20 minutes.

So.... thanks to all who participated in any way with her dedication. I officially declare her formally blessed... HAHAH! May she be a true woman of faith in all ways that God's got planned for her life.

:)

Exhausting Time Change

It's for the better of the world. I know that. We all know that. The seasons change and it's just reasonable for the time to also change. I don't like it. I've survived 3 years of time changes without any problem. Actually, i've SAILED through the time change while my close friends have suffered with their kids. My boys always seemed to have so alien intuition that the clocks were about to change and they'd fix themselves. Not this year!!! Our clocks went back an hour Sunday at midnight. It was awful. Today is Monday & I feel like a monster for shouting at the boys & not having the patience they need. I've slept about 6 hours total since we fixed our watches (this includes siesta!).

It's in my most frustrating times that it's hardest to self-analyze myself and see life from God's point of view. I don't want to see God's point of view because that means that i'd have to simmer a bit & change my attitude. I'm still not sure if i'm ready to take it easy. I want God and everyone around me to know how tired I am. But in the end, i'll just end up praying and asking God for forgiveness for my impatience and cold-heartedness. I'll go to my boys & ask them to forgive me and probably walk into their room in the middle of the night just to enjoy their beautiful sleeping faces. I wonder if i ever give God grey hairs. I wonder if there are times when i'm crying all the time, not knowing what i really want, and He just wants to drag me to my room and slam the door in my face bc he's just tired of the whining. I've done that a couple of times today.... but that's the difference between him and me. He's all-patient and all-loving. He infinitely understands what's going on inside my head and my heart & lets me get it out. He makes it to the end of the day with joy left in his heart - i feel squeezed dry.

Dear Jesus, please forgive me for losing my patience with my children. Please help my boys to grow up understanding that I love them more than life itself, but that sometimes mommy just isn't always fun to be around. I don't want them to ever doubt love. Please help me to remember your example & your forgiveness. AMEN!