I realize that most of my readers don't understand Geman and have no clue what the title of this blog says. I hope you were interested enough in finding out that you are now reading these words. :)
One of the most difficult topics that parents face is parenting. Before kids come along, we see all the little babies and romantically imagine how our children will be like. Wife looks at Husband with "the look" and he knows for sure that what she's gonna ask.
When baby finally comes along, he/she is so sweet. The baby gurgles, sucks on a soother, gazes adoringly into your eyes... even its poop seems impressive! But slowly, yet surely baby grows and begins to develop a personality. He/she is independent, willfull, stubborn, etc. And mommy's hairs begin to turn grey...
My kids are 5, 4 and almost 2 years old. A normal day at my home can be stressful for an unexperienced mother. We are busy! There are days when we have so much fun and have productive activities. Others... well... that's where the title of my Blog comes in...
Erziehung ist Beziehung... Parenting is Relating. (any other translation suggestions are accepted!). My "bad days" are not ones to be proud of. On these days it feels as though i can't get anything done... the dishes are dirty, the clothes are dirty or not folded and put away, lunch doesn't want to get done, kids break things, drop things, mess things up, etc. It's on these particular days when i have little to no patience for the unending ramblings of my kids.
"Pick up your toys!", "You are not allowed to touch the DVDs", "I don't know WHERE your Cars auto is. Where did you put it?" "NO!"
It's been about a month since i heard this parenting quote. I guess, like most revelations from God, your inspirations and convictions happen when the time is "right". You can hear the same things hundreds of times before, but if your heart isn't ready to take it in, it matters not.
and the kids have no clue as to the level of our frustration. They simply "tune it out." I can remind my boys about their toys until i'm blue in the face and they just keep on playing. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me or with them. It's so frustrating!
But this is where the inspiration begins to guide me...
If parenting is relating... this means that my job is not only to tell my kids what do to.
My eyes opened a little. The next time that one of my kids tried to grab my cellphone without asking for permission first... instead of slapping him on the hand and saying "You are not allowed to touch my cellphone." I caught myself and instead stooped down to his level and conversed with him.
Me: "Nico, what are you doing?"
Nico: "I want to take a photo with your phone"
Me: "Ah... but who does this belong to?"
Nico: "It's yours."
Me: "Nico, I need you to ask for permission to use my things before you take them. I like to share it with you, but right now i'm finishing lunch. In 5 minutes we can take photos together with my cellphone."
Nico: *not so convinced, but lets go and waits for me*
Ordinarily I would have gone with the first reaction of slapping his hand... and ordinarily the only effect that brings me is my child insisting on using the cellphone and most likely trying to use it behind my back and eventually dropping it - angering me more.
I realized throughout this time of conviction that i really don't speak WITH my kids as often as i speak AT them. And their response is truly not as positive as when I take the time to talk to them. The only thing... talking WITH them.... it takes time. It's intentional. It's not easy. It's a lot easier to shout out orders here and there and follow up with a slap or a time-out. But really... this isn't the relationship that God intended for us to have with your children.
It's reminiscent of Jesus' words in Matthew 7:6.... "Or what man is there of you, who, if his son shall ask him for a loaf, will give him a stone"
God gave me a tongue with sweet words to speak to my children... this is the loaf from Matthew. But yet, i speak harshly to them? I give my children stones when i have a loaf?
It's a great desire of mine to be a good example of love, patience, kindness, generosity, (and a bunch of other positive traits) to my children. But for that I need to continue working on myself.
What do you think?
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