I'm almost done with my nursing degree. All I had left was a country internship, thesis defense and state boards. Last week, along with my graduating class, i went out to the boonies to provide basic health care/clinic for the needy.
The needy... The community, Juan de Mena, is about 200kms from the town where i live. It's situated in the middle of the marshlands (close to Arroyos & Esteros Dept.). There are only 2 roads to get in our out. If it rains, you can only get as far as the asphalt comes (15km). The rest (8km) is completely dirt/cobblestoned and only accesible w/ 4x4. The people live off the land. They have chickens, pigs, horses, cows... and they do agriculture: mandioca, corn, melons, etc. It's a very productive land and the people apparently know how to take advantage of it. None of the people we ran into appeared to be starving.
As I mentioned before, so many experiences! But one that i'd like to delve into tonight has to do with faithfulness. Not to God (although you could most likely pull Him into it quite nicely...), but to our partners.
I have lived in Paraguay for 20 years and there are still moments that floor me... During these moments i, completely, am at a loss for understanding. I guess it can be related to the US expression of a "blonde moment."
This is where we start from...
I grew up in a Christian home. My parents married each other because they loved each other. They decided when and under which conditions they were going to bring children into this world. They are a team. Now, I'm not naive. I know that in this world there are plenty of dysfunctional families that simply aren't successful at living in harmony and those that simply get started on the wrong foot. As the daughter of a psychologist I've been marginally exposed to the realities of this world. However most of the dysfunction i've seen is based on married couples seeking solutions to their marriages. At my internship, i got to see a whole other side of realty (*insert JAWS theme song*).
My job for most of the week was to perform PAP smears. Lovely, right? HAHA! Well, I must confess that i loved it :) It's such an intimate place to "work on" and one that so many women are ashamed of. Doing this work opens the doors to so many great topics of deep conversation. For example: safe sex, pregnancy, contraception, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), sex in general, and... fidelity.
One of the questions that is included on the basic PAP form is: "When did you have your first sexual experience?" The answer to all, but one patient? 16! With the first patient I considered the cause to be promiscuity and let it slide. With the second woman I thought of it as a coincidence. By the third, I was convinced there was something wrong. The fourth woman explained it all to me. She was the exception. Her first experience had been at 24. And you know what she said? "It wasn't worth the wait!" I asked her why. She promptly replied, "Our husbands don't know how to appreciate it." She figured it would have been better to have lost her virginity earlier on in her youth and enjoyed it without the limiting bounds of marriage and to finally "settle down" later when she was ready to get married. She described those pre-married years as a waste. Plain and simple. My Puritanical mind tried to dissuade her. I argued that she had protected herself from unwanted STDs and other health concerns. She was pure and unblemished for her husband! She only looked at me with patient tolerance (in a way realizing that i didn't understand). But she continued... boring her eyes straight into mine... "Cynthia, it doesn't matter that I was clean because my husband isn't." There was so much left unsaid... but i understood it all!
After my day was done, and evening drew near, we shared a terere and she told me about all the women. That's when i took a hard look at her and realized that she was wearing a very low-cut shirt and short shorts (this is a 45 year old woman). Her hair was sensually teased and her face was artfully made up. She looked very pleasing to the eye. That morning during her consultation she had been wearing sweat pants and a stained top. Her hair messily pulled back with a band. I thought that perhaps there had been a lingering scent of something fried. But not now. Now, she was ready for her husband to come home from the fields. She was ready to impress (and to keep him at home). I understood it all. My heart became heavy and it was hard to keep a neutral expression on my face. I wanted badly to hold her hand and comfort her. The following day I kept my eyes opened and saw similar characteristics in so many other women from the community. By day they looked like rags and worked their butts off in the kitchen and in the house. By night, they curiously transformed into barbie dolls.
And the men? If i hadn't been informed of all their misgivings by their lovely (or not so lovely) wives, i would have been none the wiser... But now I could see things that only one day earlier i hadn't been able to. What I thought had been a friendly glance at myself and my female classmates, had truly been a total "check-out." You'd better believe that I traded my capris for pants and sleeveless tops to short sleeves ASAP! But that doesn't truly fix the problem... Their eyes are always on the move. To my simple mind it appeared that the men understood their home commitments (food, money, children), but beyond the basics, it was in their rights to do as they pleased. Machismo at its greatest!
I don't wish to speak ill of this community. I simply speak of what i saw.... All my patients (except for one regretful one) lost their virginity at 16. The young women in this community (and perhaps in all rural PY?) see it as something accepted to become sexually active half-way through highschool. But do they realize that what they are giving away is not only a part of their bodies, but of their spirits too? I simply can't wrap my mind around it. My sexual self is completely a part of all the other parts of myself that makes me me. If i simply throw myself around sexually, I'm giving up a part of who I am. It's not an independent part of me. But to these women and young ladies, sex was inanimate and independent. It was a possession to use as one pleased - in a way what their men did to them...
With respect to this subject, I left the community with a heavy heart. I had nothing to offer then. The hope that I would have loved to have shared, was really just cheap words for a community that, frankly, just lives this way. What could I have said?
"Wait for a special guy who will be faithful to you!" would have fallen on indifferent ears...
WHICH guy? They were all the same...
"Go out and find one who will respect you!" - HOW? They are stuck in the middle of marshlands.
"Demand respect!" - How could they? Their husbands provide for shelter, money, and protection. They
could take it all away...
All these questions and so many more tornadoed through my head. The unfairness of it all was entirely too suffocating. Through it all the only string of sanity that I could pull out was prayer. In my heart I prayed for and blessed each woman that i came across for the rest of the week. They might not be able to get out of their situation, but God is great and ever-present. I prayed for courage and perseverance... they sure do need it!
Please pray for women who are "stuck" in situations similar to these. Pray that they can find a way out before its too late. For those who are already "stuck," pray for courage and perseverance. Most importantly, pray that they will find God and His comforting presence in their lives. He alone is the most faithful of all.
Cart
DryingWool
Drying Shoes
silly pig
some of the people from our nursing team
Slaughtered a cow & now prepping the meat for freezing
Teaching women how to make bread
Making Sopa Paraguaya (Corn Bread)
The house I stayed at
The kitchen
neighborhood
Marshland surrounding community
2 comments:
I totally identify with what you've written. One of our main focuses in the youth work we do here is God's plan for a family, and we direct most of it at the guys. We hit hard on fidelity and we pray that these young women will grow up raising sons who will break this cycle. It's a tough spot. God bless you for reaching out to these women, for really SEEING them inside. :)
Thanks for your encouragement Christie!
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